Standing up to me.

I have a great hubby. He’s always been supportive of me and my writing, crafting and especially cooking and baking. He’s not the problem. I am.

It’s taken a few years for me to speak up for myself when he says, “what do you want to do today?” I used to say I didn’t know and wait to see what he wanted to do and then do that. Then I’d complain I never had time to write. But he didn’t do that. I did. So I’ve been working on telling him when I want to write or crochet and he says it’s cool and he does his own things. He’s cool like that. Then, later, we do stuff together. But that is on weekends. I still have hurdles. I jumped one on Monday.

Hubby and I ride to work together so he drops me off about 25 min before I need to be there. I write on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings and go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday. Well, ideally, I do. If there is an accident on the freeway or, like this Monday, the dogs find a turtle in the backyard and we are delayed rescuing it, then I lose those minutes.

On Monday evening hubby got a new Dungeons and Dragons book and was showing it to me and I said I’d like to read it, truthfully, to understand him better. I meant it, but not right then. But he got excited and wanted to read it together. And really it would have been fun. But I was hoping to write since I missed my time that morning. And I said so. I actually voiced my desire. And hubby was cool. We sat on the couch together and he read and I wrote. I know it doesn’t sound all that amazing but to me it was a huge deal. I’m the girl who sat next to her guy friend (whom I did not marry btw) and watched him do his stuff instead of what I wanted to do when I was in college. I’m the girl who always deferred to what he wanted to do. I don’t even know why. So he’d like me I guess. Thankfully I wised up and cut that guy from my life. I found a good one and married him but it took me longer to find myself. I’m gonna keep me, now that I’ve found me.

pain, pain, go away, don’t come again another day

So I guess since I am sharing my journey, part of that is when I am not feeling it, right?  I’ve been really fatigued this week and I think it’s from pain.  I was trying to stop going to the chiropractor to save money but the end result is I spent my energy on getting through the day/week and don’t have any left for creativity.  I broke down and went again so hopefully I will be back on track (is that a pun?) and back to creating. But the week isn’t a complete loss.  I did figure out where to go next with my novel, I just haven’t had a chance to write it down except to make quick notes.  The moral I guess is if the chiropractor helps, it is worth the money.

I didn’t do anything this weekend and it was blissful

20140707-143253-52373334.jpg I didn’t do anything this weekend and it was…blissful.  I’ve been doing pretty well at making time to write and craft during the week lately so when Saturday came this week, I didn’t have this nagging feeling that I needed to “DO SOMETHING!” because I’d never get it done otherwise.  Instead, on the 4th of July hubby, some friends, and I went to American Village where I got to hear Patrick Henry, “Give me liberty or give me death!” And hobnob with Ben Franklin.  On Saturday and Sunday I didn’t do anything.  Well, I danced! Let me repeat that.  I danced.  Since I lost mobility I have not been able to do that.  I don’t dance in public, so don’t get excited, but since I was a kid I have danced in the living room or my bedroom.  I realized at some point when I thought I was too old to do that anymore that it was exercise and that I process a lot of creative thoughts when I do it.  And I’ve really been feeling the lack of it.  It was so exciting to be able to do it again.  And then I read a book and started another and I played a video game with hubby and we both played badminton with our friends.  So even though I ‘didn’t do anything’ I was creative and now I feel rested and ready to be productive again.